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It’s ok to talk about suicide.
Before I dive into this post I just wanted to say a massive thank you to each and every person who has read, commented and shared my depression and me post.
I endeavour to be as honest and open on this blog as I can, depression is an illness and I never want anyone to feel alone; whatever you may think, feel or have done there is help out there for you.
At the end of that post I shared that I was on the waiting list for counselling and my doctor had increased my antidepressant medication and I would check in with you in a few weeks.
I had my counselling assessment .
I spoke openly about my childhood, past relationships, depression, my sight loss and the anger and frustration I felt back then and the guilt I have carried with me ever since.
I learned things about myself that even still to this moment writing this, weighs heavy on me.
The last few months of 2017 saw my mood changing, my exhaustion rising and my concentration levels plummeting.
The same week I had my Counselling assessment was the same week that my medication was increased.
Due to the increase in my tablets my medication ran out fast and my updated prescription did not arrive.
I went and entire week without any antidepressants.
The counselling assessment had made me think, put my mind into overdrive and assess every minute detail of my past. Without my medication to balance me out and think logically my mental state dropped faster than oblivion at Alton Towers
I was stuck in the past, fixated on one particular chapter of my life.
As each day dragged on I was plunged further and further into the darkness.
I pushed, I pullled, I scrambled and I thrashed.
I reached out, these people heard me; giving me a lifeline, bringing me back to the surface.
But when I was alone it started all over again.
There was no respite, no let up, no solace.
the Things I had said and done were tormenting me.
I deserved it, I deserved it all.
I wanted the pain to stop. I let the darkness consume me.
I stopped fighting, I stopped hurting.. It smothered me and I welcomed the emptiness.
It was almost over, I was ready to die.
I am here writing this post because depression didn’t win.
It’s ok to talk about suicide.
I’ve had a tough few weeks. The support I received from certain people, and, the medication finally kicking in has allowed me to gain clarity and claw myself back from the abyss.
Each day I’m stronger, each day I’m getting better, depression is always going to be with me but I’ve got hundreds of reasons to live and I’m going to remind myself of them daily.
Talking saves lives, and talking about suicide saved me.
Reach out, speak up, never suffer in silence.
Your life is worth living, you are not alone, you have me.
CALL US
* 116 123 (UK)
* 116 123 (ROI)
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about/i-want-kill-myself
https://turn2me.org/onlinecounselling/
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/
http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html
Your honest is so refreshing. I agree that we should talk openly about mental health and suicide. When I was younger I used to believe that suicide was the cowards way out but now that I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts of my own. I know that, that is not the case.
It sounds like you’ve turned a corner
Xox
This truly touched my heart, I had been meaning to pop over to your blog again for quite some time but I have been so unwell. I had to comment on your honest post on suicide because honestly I can relate. I have depression and anxiety as well and I will be honest there has been times in my life where I have truly struggled with my mental health, even today and I did a lot of bad things to harm myself and my body. There have been times where I have had suicidal thoughts too but the most important thing is remembering that we are not alone and that there is always help out there. Even when we are feeling at our lowest point.
Well done for your uttermost honesty, I learn something new about you every day. Xxx
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