Wedding dress shopping as a blind bride: what it’s really like!

The realities of wedding dress shopping as a blind bride.

Wedding dress shopping as a blind bride is a fucking slog, and I say that wholeheartedly.
Just a few weeks after Grant and I got engaged, my sister (and maid of honour) had come for a visit. Knowing that I wasn’t going to see her for a few months and I was in the excited engagement bubble; we decided to have a girly day dress hunting. I never expected to find a dress straight away, fall in love with any or make any decisions there and then: I just wanted to go for the experience.

Trying on wedding dresses When you’re Blind

I was fortunate to have had sight when my parents got married. My mum looked absolutely stunning in her wedding gown and for as long as I remember, I always said I was going to wear her dress on my big day.
So when we reached Wed2B The sales assistant was brilliant and really took on board styles and designs that were as close to my mum’s dress as possible.
They were mostly corseted strapless dresses just with different fabrics and designs. My sister and the sales assistant said I looked great, I felt pretty good too, but none of them matched the expectations I had in my head of wearing my mothers dress.

Posh frock TV wedding dress experience

In October 2017 I had the privilege of being on the Channel 4 series: posh frock shop, I got to meet the spectacular Ian Stewart and try on some of his fabulous gowns. 

I will be recording a video of my thoughts and experiences; on the show and what it felt like to try on wedding dresses whilst on TV.

Right now I want to focus on the dresses themselves. 

Ian Stuart bridal gown shopping experience

I expressed that I wanted a strapless dress, preferably corseted (but as I was on TV) I was also happy to try on anything.

Wedding Dress number 1

The first dress I wore was a strapless ivory dress with laser cut flowers throughout the entire bodice, when it reached the skirt it turned into an organza overlay with a long train.

Wedding Dress Number 2

The second dress was in Ivory with medium width shoulder straps, Diamante strips followed from the shoulder straps all the way down onto the bust and coming to a V, just above the belly button. The dress in its entirety from head to toe was folded to create a layered effect, the dress isSouth was figure hugging and had a small train.

Wedding Dress Number 3

The third dress was created in front of my eyes, I was wearing the second dress (explained above) but plain satin strips were pinned to the dress across my biceps, to have an off the shoulder strap. A satin skirt was pinned from my hips down as I liked the thought of a much plainer skirt. It had a long train but Ian and I discussed having the train tucked delicately into a bow at the back so I could move around with a lot more ease. This is the dress that I said I wanted on TV .

The 3rd dress was absolutely my favourite but after the dress came off and I was on the train home thinking about it, I knew it wasn’t. MY Dress, I never got that wow feeling and I was purely swept up in the excitement of the day and the filming and production of it all. I also could not afford the price tag, so even if it was my dream dress I would not have been able to afford it.

So maybe it was a blessing in disguise after all? 

After the high of being on the program (it aired in June 2018)  I became unsettled and unhappy at the thought of trying on wedding dresses, and not feeling the wow moment every bride seem to talk about.

I started to blame my blindness and resent the fact that I could no longer see, I knew deep down that my wedding day and having my first child would probably be two of the hardest things that I would have to cope with psychologically, knowing that I will never see what everyone else can see.

In wedding dress timelines, I knew I had at least a year left to go before I really needed to stop panicking however being super organised and coming off my antidepressants (not a good move guys, don’t try it) I spiraled.

Unless you’re blind, you don’t know what it’s like to shop for wedding dresses.

This might seem very dramatic but I really felt alone. Appearing on National television, having everyone around me in my private life, and online, telling me how beautiful I looked and I had chosen the perfect dress, when I never felt that it was. Made me feel lost and confused  

No one truly knew what I was going through, They didn’t have to plan their weddings as a totally blind ride, after having site for 23 years of it.

I was not naive to the fact that there have been millions of blind women over the world throughout time and history that have probably plan their wedding from start to finish, on their own or with a little help, I’m sure even when I thought those thoughts, there were probably thousands of blind brides around the world newly engaged and planning their weddings, but no one was talking about it online.  

I couldn’t find any support out there from any other blind or Visually impaired brides.  It was like the worlds biggest secret that I was somehow not privy to.

Was I truly the only one feeling this way? I’m sure I couldn’t be, but why was no one else talking about it?

Everyone said you will get that wow moment. 

But I didn’t believe them, I was alone and desperately unhappy, it came to a point where I even thought about cancelling the wedding so I didn’t have to have the pressure of organising one of the biggest events of my life and finding a dress that people were going to “talk about for years to come”.

 I was scared that I would end up picking any old dress and it would not suit me just to avoid never feeling that “WOW Moment”

My biggest thoughts became, when family and friends tried to reassure me: *of course you will get that wow moment.* And all I could think was:you will be able to see, or you already have seen  what you looked like in the dress, which will never happen for me!

I guess this is where my entire blue badge bride on my blog and blind bride series on my YouTube came about, I wanted to document the process, showing the highs and lows of what it’s like to plan a wedding as a totally blind bride, hopefully giving tips and tricks along the way but most importantly to let others in the same position know that they are not alone.

12 months After Trying on a wedding Dress for the first time.

Fast forward 12 months later and I was trying And failing to look at wedding dresses online, fashion and High Street retailers really need to sort their shit out when it comes to making their websites accessible and giving good verbal descriptions of what their items actually look like! I was starting to get stressed, every time I spoke to my mum on the phone we talked about wedding dresses, wedding shopping and bridesmaid shopping. This hadn’t come to fruition because I couldn’t pin any of my girls down at all. (At this point I did actually have three bridesmaids, but due to lack of communication and interest on her part I just stopped contacting her for anything to do with bridesmaids duties).

A blind bride in a sighted world.

Having lived the majority of my life with site, I’ve been raised in a cited world where weddings are supposed to look spectacular and the bride is meant to be the belle of the ball.

From looking online at bridal gowns (I am saying this very loosely) and visiting bridal shops for appointments, nothing felt right. Everyone always exclaimed how beautiful and stunning and gorgeous I looked but I just didn’t see what they were seeing.
and I guess that’s part of the problem, I couldn’t see what I looked like.
My mirrors were The women looking back at me: my mum, my sister and all the bridal assistants.

I felt good, pretty even, but I just never got that wow feeling.

Finding the dress?

My mum declared: I think we’ve found THE dress! And then the next day, she said the same thing about another dress. We took pictures, we sent them to my sister and dad, And for a while, I was convinced I’d found my dress.

Conflicting thoughts and opinions.

The difficulty was however, everyone I showed the two dresses to, they chose the second one. The one that had straps and The one that looks less like my mum’s.
I on the other hand loved the first dress, it was so much like my mum’s, yet so very different.

A few days went by and I had this hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I couldn’t picture myself fully in either of these dresses, it had only been days and the memories had faded,

I never had that wow feeling that everybody talks about.
I felt deflated and completely underwhelmed.

Maybe it’s because I wasn’t ready to give up the dream of my mum’s dress? I only had a few weeks to wait before I could try her’s on and I knew that it was going to be the perfect dress for me.

Trying on my Mothers wedding gown.

I tried on my mothers dress; it was beautiful, I was beautiful, I felt beautiful.
My mum had a tear in her eye, my dad, sister, Mother-in-law and grandmother in law all loved it.

But I didn’t get the wow feeling.

Everyone’s comments, opinions, ideas and input of which dress, was MY dress, from the last few weeks, were swirling around and around and around in my head.

For 13 years this dress was my dress and it became even more pertinent because after losing my site it was one of the last bridal dresses I ever saw. There I was, stood in my sisters bedroom, wearing my mum’s fabulous gown; and I wasn’t sure

I’m a go hard or go home kind of girl. And this was no exception. We talked about all the ways that my mothers dress would need to be altered to fit me and my petite stature, what potential design A seamstress would have to take away from the dress, and the cost of it all…

I had a revelation.

All the people I love dearly, were telling me how wonderful I looked, I did feel it too but something wasn’t sitting right. And then I finally realised: of course they’re going to tell me I look beautiful – I was trying on wedding dresses for goodness sake!
If you don’t look good in wedding gowns, there is a problem.

What I needed was an honest opinion – someone in my shoes – another totally blind person who is going to see the dress the way I saw it and not give me compliments because the dress suited me.

Making a decision.

I resolved there and then, that I needed to go back home and try on those 2 dresses with my best friend Lauren; ;Having a severe visual impairment on her own wedding, and sadly losing her remaining vision a few months later, I knew that with her honest feedback and my: go hard or go home logic, I would know if either of those dresses were MY dress. And if they weren’t,I would know for sure, and I could wear my mothers wedding dress, just like I’d always dreamed of.

Real blind girl wedding dress shopping.

One evening Lauren, Daniel: Lauren’s husband, and my Besty, and I went back to Davids bridal to try on the dress that was like my mum’s. Because Daniel is absolutely magnificent at describing, and him being a male, I thought this, along with Lauren looking at me in The wedding dress, and seeing it for herself through touch would help give us both a very clear picture.

It did, A sort of calm but giddy feeling came over me, and I felt like this solidified my thoughts. However, she was still yet to see the second dress which wouldn’t be happening until the next day.

Blind bride wedding dress shopping experience.

We were also accompanied by my lovely Ellie (my other best friend and future bridesmaid) Because it was a Saturday, Wed2Be is a walk in off the street store and we had the entire day, I suggested to the girls about bringing my camera and maybe even trying on a few extra dresses for fun, just to capture the experience of what it is like to go shopping as a blind bride for a wedding gown.
They both thought this was a fantastic idea and so a plan was made!

A wedding dress shopping experience like no other.

I phoned wed2b in the car on the way, I gave them a heads up that not only was I blind but by two friends who were helping me shop were also visually impaired, this is also when I asked if I could film the experience, which they happily agreed to.
Sometimes a picture, or in this case the video, paints 1000 words and instead of expressing my thoughts and opinions of that day I think its best you head over to my YouTube channel and watch the video for yourselves!

Maybe I found my wedding dress? Maybe I didn’t? All I can say is I had a fantastic experience and day with my two best friends, all the Bridal assistance in the shop went above and beyond to assist, explain, describe and encourage me.
But you will have to watch the video to see the final results!